Do You Think You're Pretty?

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I do not care if you think I am beautiful. Your feedback or evaluation isn’t needed. I also do not care if you think I am not beautiful. Your feedback or evaluation isn’t needed there either. If you leave a comment on this column about how you don’t like my haircut, or don’t think I’m that pretty anyway so how did this story even happen, that tells me that you have a problem with control.

That’s where feedback and evaluation come from—a feeling that you have been wronged and that something should be done to better suit your tastes.

My girl Cameron Esposito laying it down at AV Club

Filed under cameron esposito av club feedback evaluation beauty

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"You're not willing to accept criticism!"

realsocialskills:

Accepting criticism is important. Everyone’s wrong about something, and it’s important to be open to the possibility that you’re wrong about things. If you’re never persuaded by something someone says that you need to change your actions in some way, something is going seriously wrong.

But…

This is a fantastic little reminder about the difference between criticism and insults. 

Filed under taking criticism social skills

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Anonymous asked: I can't keep you all the details because of the character limit but I'm starting a full time job my friends got me, still working my part time job, write on the side when I get home and have my B.A. in English lit in January and couldn't find a job in my field for the past year. I've been there for only two weeks and every day I come home feeling more dead inside than the next. Like it all just feels really meaningless and that I am doomed to just work unhappily until I die. Am I crazy? Help?

I feel like a goober doing this, but I just wrote a thing for Rookie that addresses this exactly, so I am going to point you there.

Short answer: this is not the rest of your life. This is merely you in your little butterfly chrysalis, getting the materials you need to create yourself. Don’t lose hope. Some of the best writers worked full time jobs while creating. You have to give a job permission to drain your soul. Don’t give it that permission. Think of it as an incubation period. 

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Anonymous asked: I'm having a debate with a friend. I won't tell you which side I'm on. Here's the question: Someone was raped. Based purely on statistics, was it woman or a man who raped the person? If you think it was most likely a man, are you sexist? Are you a bad feminist?

I just can’t with this. 

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Anonymous asked: Part 1: I cheated on my girlfriend of 8 months. We're both college kids an are trying a long distance relationship during school. Before i met her, there was a girl i met online. We talked and talked on skype a lot. But we started to grow apart. And during the time when we grew apart i met my girlfriend. She made me feel kore things than anyone ever. After a few months i was hopelessly in love with her. We are(i guess were now) at the point where saying i love you is comfortable.

Part 2: over summer break the gorl online started talking to me again. And like a coward i kept talking to her as if nothing happened. I never mentioned my girlfriend to her. My girlfriend saw that i was talking to her on skype and asked who she was I told her she was just a friend. Like an idiot. I can try to hide behind the fact that one of my girlfriends committed suicide but i have to grow. I cant let that be a reason a be closed off and shitty. I just told my girlfriend everything. Now what

Part 3: i love my girlfriend. She makes me better. But i betrayed her. And right now im pathetically stuck in self pity. I was supposed to visit her this weekend. I already bought my bus ticket. Now what? I told her everything. And i know i dont deserve another chance but i really want one. I’ve never cheated on anyone before. And after this i never will again. I just need to know what i can do at this point. Please help.

Part 4: I love her emily. I have never put someone through this. I feel like the biggest piece of shit. And i should. I betrayed the girl i love. I just dont know why i do these things. Why i lie or end up hurting the ones closest to me.

Hi guy. Let’s talk. 

First off, I cannot tell from your question if you told your girlfriend about cheating on her. You say “I just told my girlfriend everything” but then don’t mention it again. So if you didn’t tell her about the cheating, I would suggest you do so. 

Second off, fuck your pity party.

I know you must feel terrible that you betrayed your girlfriend, and guilty, and everything else, but it’s time for you to own your behavior rather than being disgusted with it as if it was a roach that just climbed across your dinner plate. That roach is part of you. It’s not all of you, but it is part of you. Take responsibility for your behavior. Saying “I don’t know why I do these things” just keeps you in the bewildered state of being a victim of your own behavior. 

You did this because you even though you love your girlfriend, your genitals wanted to be with someone else. This happens to everyone in a relationship, but you actually put your genitals with someone else. It may be because you’re in a long distance relationship and wanted some action. It may be because you don’t actually want to be in a relationship. It may be because love scares you and you’re self-sabatoging. Who knows. 

Your relationship seems like a lovely thing, but don’t keep it so much on a pedestal that it becomes untouchable. We need to touch our relationships. We need them to be malleable to the two people in them, and right now this relationship sounds like something out of a cheesy romance novel. No love, no matter how great or small, benefits from being overly romanticized. It makes us forget that we’re actually just two people who decided they dug each other. 

Let’s get it a little more grounded, shall we?  

You are in a long distance relationship of eight months and you betrayed your girlfriend. Get on that bus, go tell her how sorry you are (but don’t be so flowery about it that she ends up comforting you), and ask her how you can rebuild trust with her. Give her time and space to think it over. 

If you lost her, hopefully you’ve learned a lesson. If she stays with you, hopefully you learned an even better lesson. 

Keep that relationship here on earth where it belongs and tell your self-pity to fuck off.